[스크랩] Raoul Teacher`s Writing Support {21}

허접하지만, 제 힘으로 써보고 고수님들 아낌없이 써주신 교정본 보면서 제 공부에 도움이 되었으면 하는 바램으로

 

교정 부탁드립니다~ 감사해요~

 

  

My guess is that it has been nearly 120 years since western cultures was introduced to Korea. It seems like the western culture formed a good relationship with missionaries built hospitals, schools,

 

>> with를 when으로 수정

 

and helped poor people in Korea in the end of 19 century.

I think that western culture has huge effected on Korean culture.

>> effected를 affected로 수정

 

Definitely, I don't agree on everything that western culture has effected good things on Korea.

>> effeted를 influenced로 수정..  같은 단어의 중복을 피하기 위함

 

there are negative effects. The western culture's has many positive effects in Korea.

>> there are구문은 주어 뒤에 반드시 부사구가 있어야 하므로,

There are negative effects in the culture.로 수정

 

First, the positive effects of western culture to Korea are sports. Certainly, Korea also has traditional sports,

but the most popular sports are football and baseball which has come from western culture.

>> but the most popular sports such as football and baseball are from the western culture.

..위 문장은 중요 내용을 전명구로 먼저 표시하고, 그 후에 부가 내용을 서술어로써 뒤에 표시한 것입니다.

 

 

 

Most people in Korea are fanatical about football and baseball  games.

They are up all night watching World-cup games and crazy over

>> They stay up all night watching the World-cup Games and crazy about them.

 

WBC(World Baseball Classic) .

Even though that sports was brought to Korea from Western culture,

Korea has really strong team now.

We won an Olympic gold medal in baseball in Beijing 2008.

We have a record of all wins and no defeats.

Baseball is loved by American, we also love it.

>> 두 문장이 접속사 없이 쉼표만으로 연결이 안되므로,

Baseball is loved by not only Americans but also Koreans.로 수정

 

 

Secondly, I think that the positive effects of western culture are tea culture.

사실 나는 커피가 정확히 어디에서 유래되었는지는 알지 못한다. 커피의 산지는 아프리카로 알고 있지만, 유명해진것은 서양 문화에서부터 이기 때문이다.

>> In fact, I am sure where coffee is from. I think Africa is the source of it, but the poppularity of it is caused by Western culture. 

 

. As far as I know Gojong, the last king of Joseon dynasty, liked coffee

very much same as I love to drink coffee almost every day.

>> I heard that Go-jong, the last king of Joseon dynasty, liked driking coffee very much

like I love doing so everyday.

 

I can say that the coffee is the supreme happiness which the western culture brought to Korea and me.

>>> 마지막 Korean and me에서and me생략

 

 

Third, the positive effects from the western culture are "iPhone".

Someone may ask about the iPhone is western culture?

>> 전치사 about을 접속사 that으로 수정

 

But, I can say it sure it is the hottest western culture's effects nowadays.

>> I can say that it is the hottlest western  cultures recently.로 수정

 

I think that the iPhone is a landmark of western culture

which brought on changes in our life style.

>> which 이하를 which changes our ife style.로 간결하게 수정.

 

Our everyday life and business are changing greatly

because of information technology by using iPhone.

>> by using iPhone을 through iPhone으로 수정해서 간결하게

 

 

사람들은 컴퓨터를 켜지않고 증시 상황이나 뉴스를 검색하거나, 사업상의 메일들을 주고받고, 또 교통정보나 영화 등 엄청난 정보들을 터치 한번으로 얻어낼 수 있게 되었다.

 >>People can get the information abuout stocks and news, exchange business e-mails, and find out traffic and movie information with jsut one touching.

 

Lastly, the western culture's positive effects are bathroom culture.

 Maybe not many people have an experience of the old Korean toilet culture.

>> an exeience를 experiences로

 

I have a painful memory of the experience of Korean style toilet.

The easiest way to example is the traditional Korean bathroom is on the outside

>> The이하를 The easiest way to show an example is when the traditoinal ~~~outsde.로 

 

so, it is quite uncomfortable to using in the cold weather or night time.

>>> to이하를 to sude during the cold weather or night time으로

 

But western style bathroom can use whenever I want,

without any burden; furthermore, it is more clean.

 

>> 끝문장을 it is clearner.

 

As such, I thought what positive effects of western culture are in Korea and also

in my life. I could take a good look and realize its value what I have been overlooked

 

>> what 이하를 that I have overlooked로 수정

 

and ignored of positive effects of western culture. In addition, there are too many to

 write the positive things of western culture on my essay.

>> wrote을 write about으로

 

I think that the western culture has both positive and negative effects,

 

 

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학생은 수동태는 타동사가 아니니 목적어를 취하지 못하고,

관계사 what에는 선행사가 포함되어 있어

 

명사와 주어 동사 사이에 쓰이지 못한다는 점부터 간과하고  있습니다.

 

공부에 있어서는

존심을 접고, 무조건 배운다는 자세로 임하십시오.

 

낮출수록 높아지는 것이리라 믿습니다.

 

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