[스크랩] Raoul Teacher`s Writing Support {26}

>>

 

 

>> Comparing two cities I visited.

 

There are too many cities to enumerate I have visited.

 

>>  생략

 

When I get the chance, I like to travel to other places that I have not been before.

I went to a huge, crowded city which is like seoul

>> which is 생략, seoul을 Seoul

 

and also small city which is  as well.

>> and then visited a snall city.

 

There are many ways to make comparison,

including first hand experience of each type of the city.

For my experience, the good memory of the city makes me want to visit again.

I visited <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Seoul and Mexico City last year. And I want to visit again if I got a chance.

 

>> 도입부에 두 도시를 비교한다 했으면 그 도시 이름들 부터 밝히는 게 좋을 듯

 

 

I think that there are lots of similar things between two cities. 

>> similar things를 similarities로 수정

 

First, two cities are the capital city of Korea and Mexico also one of the biggest

city of the world.

>>city를 cities로 수정

 

Mexico City is the capital with over 20 million people, it is one of the most populous city in the world.

Seoul has been the capital of Korea for over 500 years.

>> Seoul앞에 while추가 첫 문장 끝의 마침표(.)를 쉼표 ( ,)로 수정

 

 

It also has the highest population in the world like Tokyo.

>> highest를 largest로

 

The two cities are very crowded, 

 >> The two cities를 These cities로 수정

 

but there are many things attractive about it.  

>> But there are many ttractions there.로 수정 

 

 예를 들면, 다양한 문화가 공존하는 거리와 만나는 사람들, 그리고 시내 곳곳에 숨어있는 오랜 역사의 흔적들.. 이 모든 것들이 무엇하나 매력적이지 않은 것이 없다.

 >> The attractions are the people on the streets of various cultures, and historic sites hidden in everywhere of the town.

 

Second, as we know that both cities have a long history. And therefore have many historical

>>  뒤 문장 So the cities have..로 수정 

 

attractions. In particular, both cities have an ancient palace.

>> have뒤 ancient palaces로

 

Seoul has many palaces called Gyeongbokgung, Changdeokgung, and Gyeongheegung. Also Mexico City has

 many gorgeous palaces. Especially, Metropolitan Cathedral is the largest national palace,

 in Mexico. Every year, hundreds of thousands of people visit that palace to celebrate for their

 indefendence. Both cities itself are a living museum with a lot of historical buildings.

 

 

Third, Seoul and Mexico City both have a painful memory. It is about colonial oppression. Mexico was under Spanish colonial rule for long years as Korea was under Japanese colonial rule for 36 years. We can find traces of such painful history even in today's. Scars left by the colonial rule are still visible in some places in that two cities

 

such buildings(전쟁이나 약탈로 인해 훼손 됐다가 복원되거나 아직 그대로 남아있는), palaces, and monuments.

그리고 여전히 그 아픈 기억들을 잊지 못하는 세대가 남아있다. 

>> We can find some generations who still have painful memories of the past.

 

Seoul and Mexico City are strongly impressed on my memory

>> impressed를  impressive로 수정

 

whether I visited once or more. And I felt that Seoul and Mexico City are very similar to each other about

many things like history  people and so on. I really want to visit Seoul and Mexico City  

once again as soon as possible. 

 

Also I would like to recommend without hesitation this two cities to travel if you got a chance.

>> I'd like you to tracel these beautiful cities, given time.

 

 

 

 

g한글로 친건 제가 덧붙이고 싶은 내용인데 어려워서요~

 

좋은 지적 부탁드릴께요~

 

......................

 

 

어려운 단어를 쓰지 말고 쉬운 단어로 하고 싶은 말을 다 하는 것이

중요합니다. 미 대학 교수들 사이의 서신은

500 단어 내외 라는 점을 명심하셔야 하며,

 

영어는 3형식 문형을 좋아하니,

같은 말이라도 '동사 목적어' 구조로 표현하시길

 

예를 들어,

'서울에는 많은 마천루가 있다."는,

There are many skyscrapers in Seoul. 이라고 할 수도 있지만,

We can find many skyscrapers in Seoul.처럼

표현하는 것이 외국인들이 보기에 더 자연스럽게 

느낀다고 믿습니다.

 

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